Are Parents To Be Blamed For Misbehaved Children?

When a child misbehaves, those around him typically look for someone or something to blame. The temptation to target unfair teachers, out-of-touch administrators and unreasonable coaches for asking more of a child than what he can deliver is a big one. The most important question that needs asking is, are parents primarily to blame when their children misbehave? Looking at different parenting styles, issues and struggles can help answer that question.

Best Friend Complex

One of the most difficult areas of parenting is finding balance between being your child’s friend and being a parent. The parent who wants to be a child’s best friend is a parent who avoids conflict at all costs. Avoiding conflict with children simply puts the responsibility for discipline on other adults in the child’s life. This creates a “no-win” situation for teachers and other care givers. Having a parenting plan can help. Focus on the Family recommends parents avoid conflicts before they arise by focusing their children’s attention in positive ways. Although planning every moment of a child’s day is impossible, giving your child clear expectations and time lines for the things that you want him to do gives him fewer opportunities to get out of bounds. Raising a child involves both loving him and teaching him to be responsible, kind and respectful to others. Attempting to do this by avoiding conflict and being only his friend is a recipe for misbehavior.

 

Inconsistency

Children are constantly watching and listening to their parents for areas of inconsistency. Siblings always remember who got what and when. Failing to follow through with a punishment or reward when it is promised almost guarantees some type of misbehavior. Children may react through disrespectful words to their parents, temper tantrums and other bad behaviors. When this happens, they are testing their parents' resolve and are learning how to push the limits. Setting boundaries and being consistent from the beginning is especially important. When toddlers and preschoolers know their parents always keep their promises, both with positive rewards and appropriate punishment, those children learn quickly what happens when they push against those boundaries. Boundaries change and grow as children change and grow, but the key is consistency if your goal is to prevent misbehavior in your children.

Power Struggles

Power struggles are also a big problem when it comes to misbehaving children, and these can begin as early as age 2. Power struggles are your child’s way of communicating that he knows he has some control over himself and his destiny. Power struggles, especially in younger children, can also be a message that your child needs to feel a better sense of belonging or significance. Struggles over seemingly insignificant issues can come as a surprise if you are not in tune with your child’s emotional state of mind most of the time. Being aware of his need to mature and take on more responsibility can help curb power struggles. But being clear about choices and consequences is important. Just because your child is feeling “less than,” does not give him permission to break the rules or be disrespectful. Understanding his needs is not a substitute for consistency when it comes to your expectations for his behavior.

Behavior Problems

Identifying a behavior problem in your child as opposed to his bad choices is important. Children with behavior problems are unable to make consistently good choices even though they know and understand the house rules, classroom rules, and overall expectations from you and other adults. Parents of children with behavior problems may have tried getting help from teachers, school administrators and friends without seeing any improvement. A formal assessment by a mental health expert can help you determine the cause of your child’s misbehavior and get an appropriate treatment plan in place.

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/562037-are-parents-to-blame-for-misbehaved-children/#ixzz2QaH7pT9a